I came into this internship hoping to get more insight into the field of corporate social responsibility and if this is the path I want to take after I graduate in a year. I was looking for clarity but I don’t think I got it.
And to be honest, that is really scary. I know that in the fall, I will start applying for full-time jobs but how do I even begin to do that when I am not sure exactly what I want or what I am looking for? I feel like there is still so much for me to explore about this field and other fields that I might be interested in. I spent 4 years of college exploring my interests and I thought that would be enough time, but I don’t think it was.
I feel like my time is running out.
At the same time, I do feel like there is something beautiful about not knowing exactly what you want or where you’ll be in a year. Yeah, it’s terrifying but it also allows me to stay open to every opportunity that may come my way. I think where the fear comes in is thinking that, what if I don’t get any job at all because recruiters will “see through me” or something and recognize that I am not sure about my future? But then again, I think, really who is?? For example, there is a woman who started working for my company last week, who is in between jobs, in her 40s, and is still figuring things out and deciding what she wants to do with her life. Maybe that will still be me in 20 years. Is that okay?
Why do I feel so much pressure to figure it all out now?