This might be shorter than my rambling other posts because I actually have something I want to talk about this time.
I’m going into my senior year this September, and on some level, I should probably be happy about that. More than anything, however, I find myself unable to look forward to senior year itself and instead looking ahead to everything beyond that. After this, I’ve got to get a job, and my industry of choice doesn’t exactly hold any guarantees of jobs or success. I know this in on me; I wouldn’t have decided to pursue this if it wasn’t the only thing I can picture myself being happy doing, but I’m stressed nonetheless.
I’m not going to lie: part of this may be brought on by the fact that people I’ve gotten to know in classes and the like actually getting jobs they want in their own chosen industries. I’m happy for them, I really am; I want to make that clear. It also causes me to put further pressure on myself to succeed, and again, considering I want to be a writer, that’s easier said than done.
This is on me; I’m seeing competition where there is none, and I should really probably get over myself. I also recognize that, as with my money issues, I am not unique in panicking before my senior year.It’s kept me looking forward, though, and this next year is going to be really interesting as I’m trying to find a job to allow me to return to Los Angeles. As of now, that’s the plan; I want to be back out here by next fall at the latest. I’ve been told to look for entry level work first; everyone’s got to pay their dues, after all, but part of my anxiety is stemming from the fact that I’m not just freaked that I won’t be a successful writer. That’s some small part of it, but I know that that’s a long way off. What’s really been on my mind is whether or not I’ll even be able to get my foot in the door. What do I do then?
I’m treating this as an overly journal entry, basically. These feelings aren’t new; it’s something I was thinking of when I first came out to LA. It’s just resurfaced now. Oh, well. I’ll do me. Time to really dig into the University’s resources.
To keep this from being completely po-faced, here’s the greatest video I’ve ever seen.