A lot of my feelings about leadership have changed since the beginning of this internship and even from my last post. The difficult Research Assistant’s program ended and I am truly relieved. When I wrote my last post, I was completely against taking another leadership position EVER (quite dramatic, I know). I think I just let myself get worked up in my head because I felt like I was failing to lead and manage a lab. I now realize that he was just not fit for that position and he was determined not to do his work. Truly there is nothing I can think of that would have made him complete his assignments, not even money.
Reflecting on this made me realize that I do allow myself to build up expectations too high in my own head and likely only allows me to let myself down. For example, at the beginning of this summer I thought I would be the best leader anyone could imagine. I was determined that everything would go perfectly because I HAD to do better than anyone before me. No one other than myself was applying this pressure. This standard is impossible to live up to and as things went wrong, as they always do, I felt like I was letting myself down.
I believe that I need to work on being more realistic for my expectations for myself even if it just for my own mental health. I believe this will make me a better leader because I will be more patient and flexible as problems arise. I still think I have the potential to be a great leader and look forward to my next leadership position, however, I am no longer romanticizing how perfect it will be.