Journal 4

A lot of the thoughts I’ve been having lately feel like varied and unique asteroids all orbiting the same singular kind of idea or concern: I just really don’t feel like I belong in this city. I mean, I’m learning an absolute ton, but I’m knowing now that even if I’m personally invested in the histories and stories that shape the city, Detroit can never truly be my capital H Home.

The extra layer of simply oppressive heat that comes from living in a concrete jungle, the feeling of being a transplant grafted onto the city by the University of Michigan, this constant mental game over my own social identities and not being comfortable with them in certain spaces, or feeling like I have to justify my status as a white college student are all adding up to this feeling that this isn’t me, and this isn’t where I see my future.

On a similar but disjointed note too, communal living is really wearing me down. I’m really sick of having 9 roommates, no space in the cupboards and fridges, fighting for a shower, mountains of dirty dishes in the sink, and to some extent vegans being nasty. It’s just like there’s a lacking level of maturity when it comes to addressing problems and house behavior in general, and all in all I just feel like I’m living in a gay frat that will just always be dirty which is something I’m not super down with. I never thought I’d be jealous of people living across the street in the Wayne state apartments, and I really needed to be here financially, but part of me really wants to do a swap or something because this is just really reaching a boiling point for me.

I love my friends, and we (commons people) are having a meeting this week (hopefully) to work some of this stuff out, but for the time being I can’t wait to get out of town.

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